Shock and Recovery
by 101spacemonkey
Summary: ryan gets attacked at a crime scene, can the team save him from himself? contains non-con


**Disclaimer:** i don't own CSI:Miami

**A/N:** this contains non-con, i wasnt sure what to call it, but i think non-con fits

He threw open the wardrobe doors, it was a walk in wardrobe, 'that's going to take ages to process' he thought to himself

He threw open the wardrobe doors, it was a walk in wardrobe, 'that's going to take ages to process' he thought to himself. Considering the momentous task that was ahead of him, he decided to process the room first, as the walk in wardrobe amazingly appeared to be even bigger.

Ryan turned away from his discovery and dusted down the dressing table behind him, hoping to find some prints. It had been a long day and he was tired, the wardrobe just added to his stress. As he brushed his arm across his forehead moving his hair out of his face; he flinched as he felt cold metal pressed up against the back of his head.

He took in a deep breath, cursing himself for getting into trouble in the field. All he wanted was to be able to do his job without incident, so that no-one would notice him, he didn't fit in, and he knew it, so he didn't want make himself anymore unpopular.

The reasonable a part of him argued that this sort of situation couldn't be helped, but he ignored that voice to listen to the voice that belittled him.

'Give me your radio' growled a voice from behind him.

Knowing that the assailant obviously had the upper hand, he did as he was told.

'Put you arms behind your back'

He moved his arms back and grimaced when he realised he was being cuffed with his own cuffs.

He sent up a silent prayer that this would all be over soon, that he would figure something out and not have to tell the others that anything had happened. 'Yeah like they would believe me that I accidentally cuffed myself? Actually they might think I'm stupid enough to do that' he thought in to himself.

His world spun as he was turned violently so that he came face to face with his aggressor. Up to this point he had been so busy contemplating that he hadn't really realised the situation he was in.

'Well would you look at that, I got me-self a pretty CSI' said the man as he brushed his fingers down Ryan's cheek.

Ryan flinched and tried to take a step back, but the man simply grabbed him by the shoulder with a vice like grip.

'You disturbed my hiding place, you just couldn't leave it well enough alone' he spat

Ryan paled when he realised the man had been hiding in the wardrobe, and that he must be the suspect. 'Hadn't the scene been declared secure?' he thought.

The man stood their waving his gun around the place, obviously thinking about his next move, Ryan wanted to make a run for it, and mentally kicked himself for not wanting the team to know his predicament, he could put up with name calling so long as it got him as far away from this man as possible.

The man suddenly stopped fidgeting and stopped to stand dead still and stare at Ryan, and grin spreading across his face.

Ryan could feel his breath catch in his throat, and prayed for someone from the team to find him, but they were all downstairs were the body was. This just reminded him that they didn't think he was important enough to be allowed near a body. He was just the rookie from patrol who had replaced their friend. But as the man dragged him towards the wardrobe he didn't care what everyone else would think as long as someone at least radioed him or looked for him and realised he wasn't okay; he tried to cry out, so that maybe they would know something wasn't right but the man clamped a hand over his mouth.

He shoved him up against the wall inside the wardrobe, and placed the gun just under Ryan's chin.

'You try anything, call out to your friends or anything and I'll pull the trigger'

Ryan simply nodded in understanding, panic filling him as he wondered why the man hadn't made a run for it, what did he want, a hostage?

His question seemed to be answered as the man ripped open Ryan's shirt. He tried to squirm away from the man, but suddenly the gun was pressed to his temple, so he stopped. He nearly choked as part of the material that had once been a part of his shirt was roughly turned into a gag.

Ryan could feel his eyes begin to sting, and felt stupid for being weak, Horatio wouldn't do this in this situation he berated himself; and he hoped that the man had finished what he had started.

Instead the man ran his hands up and down Ryan's chest, he tried to escape the touch, but he was held in place by the man's other non-wandering hand. As the hand got lower and lower, Ryan closed his eyes.

This can't be happening; he cried to himself, it can't be.

Suddenly he found himself engulfed in a kiss that he tried to fight but failed, the man's hands gripped his hair, he couldn't get away, the other man's body pressing into his, blocking any chance of an escape. He couldn't breathe and the gag cut into his mouth as he was kissed and he could taste blood and feel it as it ran down his chin.

As he tried to scream out against the gag, he felt the tears he had been holding back escape as he realised his cries were muffled.

The man used Ryan's distress to move his hands down Ryan's chest again as he headed for Ryan's belt.

Ryan's eyes widened and he tried even harder to get away, why hadn't the team checked on him by now? But he knew they didn't care, otherwise they would have noticed he hadn't reported in.

As he fought against his belt being unbuckled, he let go of the breath he had been holding in when his radio went off and distracted the man.

'Mr. Wolfe, pick up'

The radio crackled for a second and then burst into life again, 'Mr. Wolfe, pick up'

Ryan was so happy to hear the voice of his superior.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Horatio tried to radio up to Ryan. When Ryan didn't pick up he grew concerned; he had watched as Ryan had tried to do everything to please everyone in the lab in a desperate attempt to fit in, not answering his radio was against the grain for Ryan.

Horatio looked over at Eric who was busy processing the scene, 'Mr. Wolfe does not appear to be responding to his radio, I'm going to check on him'

XXXXXXXXXXX

The man was infuriated that the radio had interrupted him; before Horatio could finish what he was saying the man had smashed the radio on the floor. He was about to return his attentions to Ryan – who had pressed himself as far into the wall as he could - when he heard the creak of the stairs as Horatio ascended them.

He leaned into Ryan gripping his chin he whispered into his face, 'this isn't over, if you tell anyone, I'll be back.' Ryan slowly slid down the wall to the floor.

As the man pushed open a window and climbed down a drain, he counted his lucky stars that there weren't any cops round this side of the house, as he finally jumped the final distance to the ground, he hastily glanced back to see Horatio leaning out the window glaring at him as he spoke into a radio.

He cursed as he jumped over a neighbouring fence, they would be on his tail in minute, but considering the fun he had just had he didn't mind.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Horatio entered the room, gun raised unsure of what to expect.

He glanced over to Ryan who lay slumped on the ground, he wanted to rush to his side – he couldn't lose someone from his team again - but he needed to make sure the area was secure, he went over to the open window and glanced out just in time to see a man stare back at him as he ran away. Grabbing his radio, he relayed this information to the patrol unit stationed out front.

Once everything was secure, he put his gun back in his holster and walked over to Ryan's side.

The young man looked a little worse for wear, he reached out to draw Ryan's attention to his presence, but his touch just startled Ryan and he tried to scurry backwards and failing as he hit the wall sending waves of pain up his arms.

'Mr. Wolfe let me assist you'

Ryan's cheeks burned red as he nodded and accepted the help. Horatio removed the gag first, and then moved to remove the cuffs.

Neither of them said a word, Horatio was first to break the silence as he watched Ryan rub his sore red wrists. Horatio wanted to enquire into the young CSI's state of undress but simply asked, 'what happened?'

'I was attacked'

Horatio sighed, he knew it was more than that, he could sense it, 'that much is evident, I was merely referring to your state of undress'

'Nothing happened' cried Ryan as he tried to stand up, 'now if you don't mind I have a scene I need to process'

'You will do nothing of the sort, you are going to hospital'

'Lieutenant, I can handle myself' although he swayed a little as he said it.

It was around now that Eric entered the room, 'hey, H, I just heard, what happened?'

Simultaneously both Horatio and Ryan replied

'Nothing'

'Mr Wolfe was attacked'

Eric simply stood there processing what both had said, as his attention was drawn to Ryan.

Ryan was standing, more leaning in the doorway of the walk in wardrobe with his shirt ripped open, his belt half off and a part of once must have been part of his shirt hanging loosely around his neck. He was covered in scratches and cuts and there were signs of bruises forming.

'Ryan, that don't look like nothing, you're going to a hospital' Eric walked over to help the young CSI, but Ryan tried to back away from him, 'don't touch me!' he cried

Both Horatio and Eric paled as he said this, and Ryan noticed the sudden change in their demeanour.

He tried to backtrack, 'you're going to need my clothes to process, don't touch me'

He knew they didn't believe him, but it wasn't like he would tell them what really happened, let them speculate, if they get the truth, they will have a field day, Ryan Wolfe the man who can't look after himself in the field, the man who let... he stopped himself thinking it, if he didn't think about it, it didn't happen.

He descended the stairs and entered the now waiting ambulance, glad when the doors closed on the sea of faces that feigned worry.

He couldn't handle their mock pity.

XXXXXXXXXXX

He sat in silence as he was examined. Only giving one syllable answers to their questions. He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to feel their hands, or see their eyes looking at him.

He stared at the ground; he just wanted to go home.

The team had turned up, and were swarming outside his room. He looked out the window and felt sick, they were only here to hear all the details, he was merely an object to be gossiped about; he wasn't sure what hurt him most, the attack or the teams morbid curiosity.

He watched as Horatio went over to talk to a Doctor while flashing his badge, he could only see their lips move silently, and allowed his mind to fill in the gaps to what they were saying.

XXXXXXXXXXX

When he finally got away from the team, and their supposedly worried glances he headed home. His answering machine was filled with messages from Alexx;

'Baby, call me back, I'm worried'

'Ryan, Baby, call me '

'Please Ryan call me'

Ryan slowly eased himself onto his sofa, as he listened to the messages. He reached over to his cordless phone, but just left his hand wavering over it, did he want to call Alexx? She was the only person he really got on with in the team, but then again that could just be her motherly instincts. She treated the bodies in Autopsy much like how she treated the living, was he just another being for her to dissect, to figure out, to control?

He didn't call her. Instead he sat and fidgeted, he didn't feel safe. He hated feeling this insecure, he hated that the man had this control over him. In the back of his mind he could hear the ever present voice of his OCD call to him, telling him to take control the only way he knew how.

He wanted to fight it, but knew it was futile, the voice was right, it was always right.

He drummed his fingers on his knee, once, twice, three times...

Then he walked over to the kitchen and leaned in under his sink, removing a cloth and cleaning liquids as he lowered each onto the table he repeated the lowering action a further three times.

XXXXXXXXXXX

'Horatio, has Ryan called, did he say anything?' asked Alexx

'No he hasn't called; he only said that he was attacked. His clothes have gone in for processing.'

'But when you found him, he was...? People are saying that...'

' He was in a general state of undress'

'My baby!'

'It could have happened in the struggle'

'I know you Horatio, you don't believe that'

'No I don't, but Ryan isn't talking and I can't force him to, however he needs to be questioned the man who attacked him is probably our suspect, we will know soon enough from the DNA he left on Ryan's clothes.'

'Let me go and pick him up, he hasn't been answering my calls and I want an explanation.'

XXXXXXXXXX

Alexx knocked Ryan's door.

No answer.

She knocked again.

'Ryan I know your there, please answer the door'

Ryan could hear Alexx knocking the door, he wanted to answer it, but he couldn't will himself to do it, not with his apartment looking the way it did, she would see the dirt there and see it on him, and realise he had failed. He stopped scrubbing the floor and didn't move, didn't breathe.

'Ryan you have to come with me, Horatio wants to talk to you about the attack'

Ryan's face fell as he heard Alexx; he gripped the bottle of bleach in his hand as the memories of the attack assailed him. He could smell the man, he was suffocating him, he couldn't cry out, he was trapped and he had failed.

Alexx knew something was wrong; she quickly marched down the corridor to the next neighbour to enquire about gaining entrance into Ryan's apartment. The neighbour pointed her in the direction of the Landlords apartment and she quickly headed in that direction.

Ryan listened as he heard Alexx walk away, he let out the breath he had been holding in and realised that there were tears streaming down his face. He curled in on himself and hugged the bottle of bleach for dear life.

XXXXXXXXXX

Alexx had returned, and this time she was armed with more than just determination and worry, this time she had a key thanks to a flash of her badge.

She took a deep breath as she turned the key in the lock, she didn't want Ryan to think she was invading his privacy, but she was worried.

She should have been.

In front of her lay Ryan in a foetal position on the floor, his eyes glazed over as his mind replayed the past before his eyes.

She dashed to his side, trying to bring him out of his nightmare by gently shaking his shoulders. Ryan seemed to come to, and saw Alexx and scurried away form her, while clutching the bleach bottle, he branded it accusingly at her as if it was a weapon and his only defence.

'Go away; leave me alone, I don't want you to see!'

'See what Ryan? All I see is my friend hurting'

'The dirt' he muttered, he wanted to stop talking to her, but his body refused, his lips just spilled out the awful truth.

'Ryan, your place is spotless'

'The dirt, it's everywhere, I can't get it off me, he won't get off me'

A cold hand gripped Alexx's heart, she hadn't wanted to jump to an assumption from what Horatio had said, but Ryan was just backing up her theory

'Baby, he's not here now, you're safe, and he can't hurt you'

'But he's coming, he said he would, he – I tried to stop him, I'm so sorry, I've failed.'

'You've failed no-one, come back with me, it'll be safer at Headquarters'

'But the team, they'll know, they will see the dirt, it's everywhere, I don't want them to see me, they will know I failed, that I'm just a stupid rookie from Patrol' he rambled.

'Ryan you have to come in with me, if you want you can stay with me in Autopsy, but I'm sure Horatio would let you stay in his office' she said as she took his red raw hands in hers.

Ryan reluctantly agreed to go with her. When they finally arrived at headquarters he was constantly looking over his shoulder fearing one of the team would see him; Alexx had however phoned Horatio in advance to make sure the team weren't present when Ryan arrived. This fact still managed to do little to reassure Ryan.

As they both entered Horatio's office, Ryan quickly went to the sofa and sunk into it, his head in his hands. Alexx didn't know if she should leave or not, she wanted to give them space, but she didn't want to leave Ryan, not when he was feeling like this.

Horatio sensed her dilemma. He nodded at her to leave, silently reassuring her with his eyes that everything would be fine.

Once she had gone he joined Ryan on the sofa, he reached out a hand to the young CSI's shoulder, but he flinched, 'sorry' said Ryan in response.

'You have nothing to apologise for, I hate to push you, but we require you to see a police artist'

'Fine' said Ryan, somewhat flatly.

'Care to talk about it?'

'I don't know. I-I thought he maybe wanted a hostage, but then he…' Ryan stuttered. 'I can't get him off me'

Horatio simply nodded sadly as Ryan recounted the attack to him.

When he was finished Ryan allowed himself to be embraced in Horatio's arms. Horatio embraced Ryan, allowing his normally cool and untouchable face slip as he felt anger well up inside him; he was going to find this man. He was brought back form his reverie, when Ryan released himself from Horatio's grip, turning his head to try and hide his falling tears.

'I failed everyone, you wouldn't have let it happen, Eric wouldn't have let it happen, I-I messed up' said Ryan quietly.

'You had no control over the situation, it could have happened to any of us'

'But it didn't, and it never has'

'That may be true, but we take risks in the field everyday, if I spent all day considering the possible horrible scenarios that could befall either me or my team I wouldn't be able to do my job, you just have to get on with it.' Sighed Horatio, 'Ryan we need to catch this man; I need to catch this man. No-one on the team has to know what happened, but I will need a Statement, and I would like it if you saw the police psychiatrist'

'I-I don't know, I guess'

XXXXXXXXXX

Horatio was tired. He needed to find the man who had attacked his CSI and as he paced up and down the corridor waiting for a result from AFIS, he was getting restless.

Finally the moment he was waiting for they had got a hit. As he listened to the Lab Tech, he could only keep staring at the screen in front of him; the face of the man who had murdered a young girl and attacked his CSI. Lifting the sheet of information on the man from the printer he was out of the door of the lab in a flash.

As he drove in the hummer his mind swirled with thoughts of what he wanted to do to this man. Ryan had only joined the team, and although Horatio hadn't exactly welcomed the new addition with open arms, he still respected the man; Ryan had tried to fit in, and he had watched from his office as Ryan had braved the coldness that had sometimes radiated off his fellow team members, had placed a smile on his face and had continued as if nothing had happened. Horatio could see the young man hurting, but was proud at his courage to grin and bear it.

And now this man had damaged the fragile hold Ryan felt he had in relation to the team. As Horatio pulled up outside a large white house, he slowly got out of the car and with his hand ever ready to reach for his gun he made his way up the pathway to the house.

Knocking on the door he waited for a reply. When the door answered Horatio knew he had his man.

'Ricky Lopez? I'm with the Miami Dade Police Department'

The man made a run for it.

As Horatio followed gun raised, he dodged as bullets flew in his direction. He found shelter behind a wall. He quickly looked around the corner only to narrowly miss being shot. Now that he was aware of where the man was standing, he braced himself and moved out form his shelter and shot the man squarely in the shoulder.

The man flew back, his gun flying from his hand as he slammed into the wall behind him, slumping down it and leaving a slight trail of blood.

Horatio walked over to the prone form, checking for a pulse, hoping he hadn't killed the man, although he deserved to die; he wanted to bring this man to justice.

He pulled back his hand once he had found a pulse and called for an ambulance, knowing full well he shouldn't have made this call on his own, but he didn't care about the consequences. He had got his man, and he would make the evidence stick.

XXXXXXXXX

Back in Horatio's office, Alexx had just informed Ryan of the news. It hadn't gone down as well as she thought it had.

'They're bringing him here?' asked Ryan as he fidgeted, fumbling with his hands.

'Only once they've fixed him up in the hospital'

'But he will be here, I-I want to go…'

'Okay, but I don't want you to be home alone'. Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but one look from Alexx silenced him. 'I'll take you there myself'

As she opened the door and stepped out, she saw Horatio coming the other direction, with Ricky Lopez in tow. She took a step back, and tried to get Ryan back into the office but it was too late he had frozen when he saw his attacker.

Ricky had stopped to when he saw Ryan, 'all right there MR WOLFE!' he shouted before winking at him. Horatio roughly grabbed the man and led him away. But the damage was done.

'Oh God, he knows! I-I can't do this… I-I…' he stammered as Alexx wrapped her arms around him and led him back into the office.

XXXXXXXXXX

Much to Horatio's surprise Ricky Lopez admitted to the murder as well as the assault on Ryan, but he only seemed to be doing so as he was revelling in the attention he received as he relayed the details of all he had done, and everything he had been planning to do to the young CSI.

Horatio shook his head, and left the interrogation room, Ryan hadn't told him what had happened, at least not fully, and he felt like he was intruding on something private. At least now that they had the man responsible, maybe Ryan could find closure.

Horatio left to return to his office, he had seen what had happened when Ryan had seen his assailant, as he silently entered his office; Ryan looked up and stared at him in his eyes, 'he told you didn't he?'

'He admitted what he did, and at least now you wont have to testify' sighed Horatio

'He did more than that; I can see it in your eyes' cried Ryan and allowed his head to be pulled down towards Alexx's shoulder.

Horatio simply nodded, and Alexx breathed in deeply at this revelation.

**A/N:** it may take me a little while to update, my muse has run away when it comes to this fic. please review, as reviews are love!


End file.
